Sometimes, God is a horse.

I just got back from a perfectly cozy relaxing weekend at my aunt's farm house. Recently I've been challenged to continue to pursue/be desperate for God even when I'm not feeling so desperate. No matter whether I feel desperate for the Lord or not, I AM always desperate for his grace, mercy, love and direction in my life. 

Earlier this morning I was texting Levi and told him I was praying that he would experience God's presence this morning as he played drums at church. He said he would be praying the same for my morning, and I just needed to record this answered prayer! Jesus is such a playful person who knows me so well. And he showed up in a horse today. Particularly, a horse named Tinkerbell.

Horses have always had a special place for me. I feel so comfortable with them, and love just being around them. It's calming to me...This morning as we were all getting ready to head out, I went to take some pictures of the morning mist over the fields. Tinkerbell had been wandering around all weekend but paid zero attention to me (I hate when animals ignore me). Well, when I start taking pictures, Tinkerbell just comes RUNNING towards me! She stopped right in front of me, I mean literal inches from me. And we had a moment. A few moments. She nuzzled me, I patted her, we stood together for about 5 minutes. I realized that OF COURSE this was God answering my prayers. I know God was not literally a horse named Tinkerbell at that moment, but God sure orchestrated that whole thing because he knew that's what my heart needed and that's how I would feel Him.

I was in a dark place with God for so long. Wavering in my belief every moment, never feeling God and not understanding why. I am so thankful for perseverance and for answers to prayer. I'm seeing God. He's there, and he always was- I just needed to learn how to see it in other ways. If you are in that time of wondering why God isn't showing up in your life, I pray that you can persevere. I don't have any tips or tricks, although this verse did help me:

"I believe; help my unbelief!" Mark 9:24

God KNOWS your thoughts, you can't hide unbelief or doubt from him. So just own up to it! And ask him to change that! And be open with others about it. There is no shame in confession to other believers, only healing! 

Somehow I end up preaching in every dang blog post I write. I remember in Jr. High I used to wonder if I ever might speak to groups. Who knows- maybe blog writing is my form of preaching, it sure beats public speaking!

- Bethany